


What I've never told you

by CruelisnotMason



Category: Free!, Free! Eternal Summer - Fandom, Free! Iwatobi Swim Club - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Sad, at least it rips out mine, this shit will rip his heart out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-08 19:50:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3221279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CruelisnotMason/pseuds/CruelisnotMason
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin is back, but Haru doesn't know if he's happy about that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

„Haru? Hey, Haru. Don't ignore me.“  
It was a way too familiar picture of the two of them – Haru who tried to look anywhere else but him while Rin put an arm in sign of overly affection around his shoulders. They weren't alone – there was the whole Iwatobi Swim Club in the same room, chatting. How could they not notice? Haru thought to himself. He didn't answer the red haired man, but neither did he try to shake his arm off.

His arm felt light and more like an airy sensation than an arm, but Haru figured it was normal to think that. When he glanced at the other swimmer he was looking at their friends with a light frown, as if he was overthinking again. But Haru decided it would be weird to approach the topic.  
„Haru-chan, come here~!“, Nagisa was on his way to him and he sensed Rin slowly backing off.  
What is this about?, he silently wondered and felt two arms hugging his waist, with a lot more pressure than the arm on his shoulder seconds before. It startled him a little, but he didn't want them to notice.

His gaze went down looking at the blond locks of his friend, who was lovingly nuzzling his stomach. „Nagisa“, he called out softly before putting his hand on the quirky young adults head. He had grown a bit since the last time they were all together, but there was no way he could ever erase the image of the quirky little boy that they've all known for years.

The Olympics were over since nearly three months and they all met in Tokyo to celebrate the fact that Haru had improved a lot. He won a silver medal for freestyle and bronze medal in his relay – it wasn't gold, but it also wasn't exactly the regionals.

Haru was not too enthusiastic about the thought to have a party but it was a long time ago meeting his friends and exchanging some words of them. It eased him up and made him more comfortable than weeks ago. But he couldn't get over the fact that Rin was here, too. 

Undecided what he should think about it, he ignored him for the whole evening. In all this tumult he wondered if anyone would even notice him talking to Rin or not. 

The evening went on and Rin stood in the corner, always sure to have the dark haired man glancing at him. Neither of them tried to approach the other again, but when the friends parted, Rin followed him home.

„Why are you following me, Rin?“, Haru asked. The darkness and silence was broken by his soft voice.  
„I don't have anywhere to go so I figured you'd let me stay with you“, he answered as soon as he catched up with him and – again – threw his arm around the other's shoulders.

Haru glanced sideways. This was real – no Illusion – Rin was here, in Tokyo, with his arm around his shoulder, walking to his flat together like they always did when Rin came back home. It was his usual routine, coming first to Tokyo because it was the first stop from Australia to come to Tokyo airport.

From there he would visit Haru – wether he was at this time at home, in the school or in the pool.  
They would instantly race when he found Haru in the pool – or get to the pool when they didn't meet up there. From there his journey would lead to see Sousuke and Makoto – then back to Iwatobi to meet his mother and sister and his other friends.

Rin was beaming every time he got back – shining and radiating it within a radius of 100 kilometres and it effected everybody, even Haru.  
But now he was looking vulnerable and like he didn't know what to talk about, but to be honest, Haru did not let him any chance to do so.

When they got to his flat, Haru had the keys already in his hand, opening the door and leaving it open for Rin to follow him. He had to go back to close it again, because, of course, there was no way Rin could have closed it by himself.

When he turned back he saw the red head looking at a newspaper folded neatly on the table. Haru certainly knew which article he was looking at. Times and times in the last weeks he himself had read it, drawn out every word of it, imagined someone reciting it and then Rin narrating it. It resembled his elementary school self, exited about absolutely anything. 

When their last year in high school approached, Rin got a lot back from his naive young self. It was astounding how happy he was again, but Haru had not once since Rin came back from Australia ever truly believed that everything was lost.

„So you _do_ read articles about me, Haru~“, Rin flashed a bright grin while looking at the newspaper. He turned to him and when they two turned to each other, one stayed expressionless.  
„Don't you think this is inappropriate, Rin?“ There was a slight hint of anger in his voice he desperately tried to contain.

„Sorry.“  
Silence filled the room, not even Rin's finger tapping the table he leaned against would make any difference.  
„Nevermind.“  
The known for freestyle swimmer took of to his small bed room, changing out of his clothes and taking sleeping pants on. When he got back to the kitchen to get some water to drink he looked at Rin again, who hadn't moved.

„How long are you going to be here?“, Haru asked him, but Rin just shrugged.  
„I'm going to make myself comfortable“, he said instead and went off to bedroom, leaving his friend behind.

He stayed in the kitchen for a while, sipping his water and thinking about this new circumstances.  
His mind kept working endlessly beginning by the fact how this all was even possible. The fact that Rin was back made him _s.o.m.e.h.o.w_ happy, but..

He glanced at the newspaper which was _in fact_ real. It was here and it was neatly folded on this table since about two months. The headline he was reading throughout those months never failed to make him uneasy. And still, there was a dull sting in his chest when he read it now.

 

[](http://photobucket.com/)

**Tragic death: Olympic Swimmer Rin Matsuoka (24) died in air crash**  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i wrote this 3 am in the morning I'm sorry for all those horrible grammar/spelling mistakes


	2. Unreal

Rin is everywhere.   
A long time ago Haru had wished that Rin would have never left the country. He knew very well that this was irrational hoping and figured he had lost his mind over something simple as a boy he never was that good friends with going to another continent.

Now, Rin was back and already there when he woke up. He followed him when he went to his part time job. He stayed with him awake till evening. Occasionally he would ask him something, but Haru would not respond to him. He is not _really_ there, Haru thinks as he sits down for tea and somehow ends up with two cups on his table. I'm making him up in, in my mind. It will last for months and maybe then when it finally gets better he will disappear – he's conjuring in his thoughts.  
Rin looks down at the spare cup of tea, then grabs for it. His hand pushes right through it without any resistance. Haru watches from the corner of his eye how his friend sighs and puts his hand back to his lap. He wonders why his insane mind can create such a vivid and original picture of his dead friend – he doesn't believe in ghosts that would magically appear just because one couldn't accept death.

„It sucks to be dead“, Rin mutters and looks around as if he hadn't all night to do it. At least his mind spared the trouble of having his privacy invaded when it came to sleeping – his imagination stays outside of his chamber when he goes to bed. His words made Haru's stomach twist and he instantly stops with whatever he was doing.  
„It sucks a lot more to be the one left“, Haru says after a while but regrets it in the same moment. He shouldn't let himself go to this extension – actually speaking with someone he brought back to life from memory. His voice seems to be the only thing to make some noise in his otherwise empty flat and it feels weird to him – like being in his house in Iwatobi all by himself after grandmas death. Luckily she didn't come back from the death to haunt him all day.  
Rin, or better, the imagination of Rin looked happy to finally be spoken to, but soon realized what Haru had said – which made it not any better. He looked undecided, unsure of what to answer to this, but finally speaks his mind.  
„It's not that I willingly left, Haru.“  
That's it – the sting in his chest – and he abruptily gets up to clean his unfinished cup of tea. He wouldn't let his mind go insane and keep ignoring him till he disappears. It was his plan from the beginning and he intends on keeping it.

But it's a little bit hard, with his imagination changing his tactics.   
„Talk to me~“, he begs, „it's boring – and at least you can see me. I tried talking to Nagisa but his only reaction was to think that the chocolate cake called out to him.“  
Haru ignored him and looked away from this vivid image of his friend.  
„You are just my imagination“, it silently escapes his mouth. Silently, but also tensed. „I just ignore you and you will go away. I'm sure when I wake up tomorrow morning I won't see you again.“  
With that he left Rin (or better, his imagination) at the table and let his bedroom door snapp into its place.

It hurt, going to bed, Rin's disappointed face as the last thing he saw of him – he couldn't get any sleep that night, despite how much he told himself, that there was no way his words could have hurt Rin, because – he was just an imagination.

 

______________________________________________________________

The next day, he patiently waited in his room to come out at the last moment possible before he had to get to university.  
 _He is already gone._ , he thought. _He's not here anymore._  
The moment he got out the door into the kitchen and saw that Rin, sitting at the desk and laying his head on his arms, was still in his room, relieve washed over him in heavy waves. When those red eyes looked up, full of sadness and sleeplessness (he wasn't really there, so why could he not get enough sleep?), he thought quietly by himself, that it was good that Rin didn't disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope y'all don't find it too depressing...it's kinda meant to be depressing but I will try to keep it on a level where one can be at peace at it.   
> Bookmarks & Kudos are highly appreciated! And if you have something to critize, leave it in the comments if you want :3

**Author's Note:**

> applause to my beautiful editing skills


End file.
